Welcome to MkDonalds
by BerserkerJoe
Summary: Just another hunt around the city for the SOS Brigade, or is it?  Rated T for some suggestive allusions and mild language.


_(I decided to write this because my last two stories were kind of serious and well, I just got Mortal Kombat , I don't own Mortal Kombat, Haruhi Suzumiya, or McDonalds. All things belong to their creators and individual companies.)_

Haruhi had once again called the Brigade to search the city for anything interesting, and once again I had been late. Naturally, I had to buy everyone lunch. Seriously, I think Haruhi uses her powers or whatever to make me pay for everything. Why not Koizumi? I mean, at least he has a job. Anyways, I managed to get the slip on her and convinced her to go to McDonalds, stating that there could be a lot of "interesting" foreigners there. Seriously, why didn't I think of this before?

Unfortunately, Haruhi got her wish of meeting strange foreigners in the McDonalds that day.

We had just walked in and Haruhi was on one of her signature "pep talks" about what to do today.

"Okay so like we reviewed, we all split up and take different parts of the city and later we'll come back to here and report" said Haruhi, in her usual haughty manner.

_Just like we do every time; we run around for hours, find nothing, and then I have to buy food for everybody. Seriously, can't we do something normal? Well it's not all bad; at least it might get me paired up with Mikuru again._

I had so busy thinking that I didn't realize that Haruhi had stopped talking. In fact she had stopped moving. I looked at her for a bit and then realized that something was coming. I braced myself for the craziness to begin.

_I wonder what it is going to be this time. God, this is just great._

But nothing happened. At least nothing around us. At first I thought she may have forgotten something or maybe even had just decided to forget the whole endeavor. (Hey, a guy can hope right?) However, I realized that everyone else had stopped to. They were all looking in the same direction at something so I turned to see what it was.

And I do have to say, it was quite a sight.

Standing behind the counter was something like out of a manga or maybe even a comic book. He was about six feet tall and looked strong. He wore a black karate shirt, y'know the one that has no sleeves? Also, he had on a pair of black gloves and his fore arms all the way up to his shoulders were burned. However his most distinguishing feature was his face. A gray face mask that covered his eyes and mouth, the lower part looking like some sort of gas mask and the upper part matched the contours of his skull with slits where his eyes should be and with black hair springing forward from behind his head. He appeared to have some sort of backpack on his back to finish the ensemble.

We approached the counter cautiously, not sure what to make of this new development. The thing or man or whatever turned towards us and straightened his posture. His face, what could be seen of it, perked up as though he were forming a smile.

"Welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you today?" he said in a somewhat muffled voice.

We just stared at him for a little bit more. He looked around at us, almost unsure of what we were staring at. He then leaned in towards Mikuru, who was the farthest from me.

"How can I help you today, little lady?" he said in an upbeat voice. Mikuru looked almost like she was ready to cry and runaway.

"Um, ok how about you?" he continued turning to Koizumi and Yuki, who just stared at him, looked at each other, then looked back at him.

"Do I even need to ask you?" he asked Haruhi, who just reached out and began touching his mask.

"Hey, easy, I need this thing y'know so don't go messing with it!" he shouted as he recoiled.

_I can't take much more of this, despite is outlandish appearance he seems normal. Maybe he's just a weirdo or into cosplay or something._

"Um, I know what I want to order" I spoke up finally, everyone turned to me as though I had spoken some sort of gibberish.

"Finally! Someone who isn't a mute! So what can I get ya? Also, are your friends just rude or are they really mutes?" said the man, cupping one side of his face with one hand and jabbing a thumb in the direction of the others.

"I'll just have a Big Mac and no, they just haven't seen someone like you before, I mean, why are you wearing that costume?" trying to find the proper wording for is appearance.

"It's not a costume, why would you think that?" he said, tilting his head to the side.

"Well then, what is it?" asked Haruhi, speaking for the first time since she entered the restaurant.

"It's a life support system" he said very matter-of-factly.

"A life-support system?" I retorted, never seeing or hearing of this kind of technology before in my life.

"Yeah" he retorted

"Mind if I ask why?"

"It would be very difficult to explain, but let's just say I got into an altercation with someone bigger than me"

"So you were beat up?"

"No, he lit me on fire, causing my lungs to be burned as well" he stated before he began to cough, he used his left hand to straighten his mask and used his right to reach behind his back and fiddle with something. Whatever it was, it caused smoke to come out of the back of his neck.

"So you guys want anything else, or can I go get your food?" he asked as he leaned forward

Looking at the others, who just shook their heads, I did the same as well.

"Ok your total comes to (insert amount for a Big Mac in Japan here)"

I gave him the money and he put it in the drawer, then he just stood there.

After about a minute of us staring at him and all of us staring at each other, Haruhi finally spoke up.

"Well what are you standing around for? Aren't you going to get his food?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I just space out sometimes, I'll go get…WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?" he said, pointing behind us.

Everyone turned around, looking for whatever it was he was talking about, myself bracing for more craziness to ensue. However everything looked normal, as far as I could tell and Koizumi and Yuki didn't seem to notice anything I didn't. We turned back around and stared at him. He was holding a tray with the Big Mac I ordered on it.

"Sorry about that, guess I saw something that wasn't there. Here's your food by the way."

_Okay, that was too quick. We had only turned around for just a couple seconds and he already has the food? Something is definitely up._

"Could I get some fries too?" I asked, hoping to find out how he got the food so quickly.

"Ok, I'll then need (insert amount for small fries in Japan)" said the man.

I handed him the money and as he was giving me my change, he once again pointed his finger behind us.

"WHOA! WHAT'S THAT?"

"Were not turning around again, you're probably just seeing things again" I said with conviction.

"Yeah your just a crazy weirdo that sees things, you're probably doing something to his food when we turn around" said Haruhi, getting angry with this man.

"NO I'M SERIOUS! SOMETHING INCREDIBLE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! IF YOU DON'T TURN AROUND IMMEDIATELY, YOU'LL MISS IT!"

Haruhi, not wanting to miss anything despite her skepticism, turned around quickly and turned back. Everyone else in our group saw however, saw what happened next. The man was fast enough to get the food and bring it back to the counter, and when I say fast, I mean _really_ fast.

So fast in fact that he was a purple blur.

_How did he do that? How come no one else saw this either? What's going on? _

The man had the fries in his hand and put them on the tray with the Big Mac, smiling as he did so and I could have sworn he winked at me.

"Here you go; anything else for you today?"

"No that's it for me, what about you guys?" I said turning to the others. Everyone shook their head.

"Alright, let's go sit down" I said, turning towards the booth.

We all sat down and began talking about the strange man at the counter.

"What's with him? He's all weird and then he claims to see things that aren't there? I think he's hiding something if you ask me; maybe we should go talk to him again" said Haruhi, brimming with energy.

"Well, he' different I'll give you that, perhaps we should talk to him more" said Koizumi in his ever appeasing mood towards Haruhi's ideas.

"He looked scary, but he acted really nice" Mikuru chimed in, with that same cute expression she always gets.

"I have to go to the bathroom" I said, trying to clear my head some more of the events that had just transpired.

"Well, go then" said Haruhi, arms crossed in that pointing position she gets "but when you get back, we are gonna discuss to do about this mysterious new individual."

As I got up to leave, I couldn't help but see that Yuki was staring at me rather hardly.

_I wonder what's with her. Does she know what's going on around here? Or is she mad at me for some reason?_

* * *

><p>The thought of Yuki mad made me decide to hurry to the restroom. After I washed my face off, I thought of what to do next. I could ask Haruhi to pursue this endeavor; however it didn't feel quite right. For one, the guy wasn't in uniform and didn't have a name tag so he could anybody for all we know. He might even be a killer, some serial rapist that escaped from prison and was running around looking for his next victim.<p>

_With Haruhi's imagination the way it is, I doubt it. Still though, it could be something as equally dangerous if not even greater._

Looking in the mirror, I realized I was being watched, turning around I discovered that Yuki had followed me in.

_Wait, Yuki followed me in here?_

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? THIS IS THE MEN'S BATHROOM!"

"I needed to talk to you alone and this is the best place to do it" she said; the same lack of emotion that came from all of her sentences.

"Alright, what is it?"

_She already broke in, and fortunately this bathroom is only meant for one person._

"I've come to tell you that the one we met in there is not of this world and that we need to leave immediately. His presence here is causing an unusual shift in data and if we continue to stay then it may cause Ms. Suzumiya to shift data to match his."

"So basically, if we stay here then it will screw up our world even more."

"Yes in very layman's terms" said Yuki, the last part being particularly sharp

_That was weird. Maybe this different data is even affecting Yuki, 'cause that's the first time she's ever snapped at me._

"Alright, let's go and we better make it quick" I said as I was opening the door.

I turned around to find a familiar mask in front of my face. I nearly jumped backwards onto Yuki.

"Oh I'm sorry I was going to knock when…" he began but then trailed off when he saw who was behind me.

"_Oh_, my apologies. I'll give you guys another five minutes to finish up"

_Five minutes to finish what? I mean the only thing we could possibly doing is…_

"That's not what we were doing at all!" I stammered

_My face must be beet red_. _Still, would Yuki…NO! STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT._

"Alright, well, what were you doing in a single bathroom with a girl?"

"We were talking about you; we know you're from another universe."

"Na, really? Do I look like I'm from around here? The reason I came here was to try to hide from someone."

"Who could you be hiding from? Someone scarier than you?"

"Well, yes and no."

"How do you mean that?"

"Well, no as in he doesn't look like me, but yes in the fact that he's a cold-blooded mercenary. My advice is that you and your friends had better leave immediately."

"Well, we could, but Haruhi may not want to…"

"Let me rephrase this, things are about to get real ugly, real fast around here kid and unless you leave now then you'll get caught up in it, understand?" he said, leaning forward.

"Alright, I get it. C'mon Yuki."

I gestured to her and she followed me out.

"Wait, I almost forgot" I said turning around to him.

"What is it?" said the man

"What's your name?"

"My name is Kabal" he said

"That's an odd name"

"Okay, what's yours kid?"

"It's Kyon" said Yuki before I could respond.

"Well, Kyon, I suggest you leave now!"

"Okay, okay you don't have to be so rude"

As Yuki and I walked back to the table, we noticed the man he was talking about. He was as big as Kabal, with the same type of karate outfit, except it had red highlights. He wore boots with knives attached and a sort of bandolier with a single glowing light on it,

Oh, did I mention he was missing part of his face and that it had been replaced with some sort of metal one?

_Things are starting to get stranger around here by the second._

We got to the table and Haruhi had clearly noticed the man, and as usual she wanted to go talk to him.

"C'mon, why not? This is our chance to know more people.

"Well, the reason is because…"

_There's an evil mercenary here that wants to kill the other guy and they both look like they could destroy this entire restaurant?_

"Because I forgot my cell phone at my house" chimed Mikuru

"Well, I guess we can go get it, but first I want to know that guy's name or at least the guy who is wearing the mask's name."

"The guy wearing the mask is named Kabal"

"How did you know that?"

"I looked at his nametag"

"But he wasn't wearing…"

"Well, I guess we better go but he'll be here when we get back."

"Alright, fine", said Haruhi, crossing her arms and doing a very cute pouting expression.

* * *

><p>After we went to Mikuru's house and got her phone, she told me that she had never left her phone at her house but had used it to leave there probably realizing that something big was going to go down, we decided to go walk around the city for a bit, as originally planned and agreed to meet at the McDonalds around 4. I was paired up with Yuki, and we decided to go to the library. I tried to ask about the other universe, to see if she new anything about it however she didn't answer anymore of my questions. After time our time went up we went back to the McDonalds.<p>

_I just hope to that neither one of them is here. I don't mind having to be scolded by Haruhi just so we could have a normal day._

When we rounded the corner, we saw that Haruhi, Mikuru, and Koizumi were behind a large crowd, that was huddled around the McDonalds.

"Hey guys, whats going on here?" I said aloud

"We don't know but we are waiting on Ms. Suzumiya to see what to do next."

_Oh no! Please don't investigate Haruhi, please don't…_

"We should go investigate!" said Haruhi loudly

_Damn._

Haruhi decided that we should split up and search the crowd. She gave each of us a direction and pairings based on what sticks we drew (Probably from earlier today). Oddly enough, I wasn't paired up with anyone.

_I wonder why that happened. Oh well, at least I will able to maybe get some rest from today._

As I pushed my way through the crowd, I found a good place to sit down. It was on one of those bridges that go over highways.

As I got up there I could see what had happened. The McDonalds had apparently completely exploded. There were pieces of it everywhere and most of the ruins were still on fire. The McDonalds sign had flew off its tower and landed on topof a nearby car.

I reached the top the bridge in question; someone was squatting on the rail. He was dress like a ninja, complete with two swords on his back and a face mask. His costume had yellow accents on it, particularly the face mask. The strangest thing about him was the fact that his eyes had no pupils or iris or anything. They were just completely white.

_Ugh, here we go…_

"So let me guess, you know Kabal, right?" I said with the most non-chalant tone I could muster.

"Not really, but I've heard of him" said the man, his voice sounding like a raging fire.

"So this is your doing Mr. …?"

"Just call me Scorpion, boy"

_Well, somebody is in a bad mood._

"Mind telling me what happened here Scorpion?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Well, not me personally but I have a certain, how you say…companion who will shout my ears off if I don't get any information."

"Okay, well I got here after Kano and Kabal started fighting and…"

"Who's Kano? That mercenary guy with cyborg eye?"

"Yeah that's him, any ways, he and Kabal start fighting and the whole restaurant starts freaking out. Then Sonya jumps in and…

"Who's Sonya?"

"Can you let me finish?"

"Sorry."

"Anyways, Sonya jumps in and tries to fight Kano, who was just about to finish Kabal; however she first has to fight Noob Saibot. Raiden jumps in to help out but is attacked by Mileena, who brought Baraka with her. However, Raiden had Lui Kang and Kung Lao with him they had just fallen behind. So the fight is raging on when Shao Kahn and Goro show up. Meanwhile, Quan Chi and I are just sitting there and I'm like 'You wanna get in there and fight?' and he's like 'Hell, no' so I just summon some fire to burn one of the kombatants and I must of hit the gas line."

_This guy is totally nuts._

"Really?"

"Yeah and fortunately I managed to get a burger from it."

He began looking around for the supposed burger and must have seen it off in the distance.

"There it is"

His hand shot out and a chain immediately flew out of it. The chain was tipped with one of those ninja weapons, what do call the, kunais? Anyways the knife, kunai thing it something off in the distance.

_Well, he could have had it in his glove or something._

"GET OVER HERE!" he yelled loudly.

He yanked the chain back towards him and the burger flew into his hand.

"Man, is this gonna taste good"

He then took off his mask to reveal his face and neck were actually just bone, and it was all on fire.

_Okay, I could be wrong._

He tried to bite into the burger but it simply roasted and turned to ash as soon as he brought it near his face.

"Damn" he said, throwing the charred remains of the burger on the ground.

_How come his mask didn't get on fire? Where's his skin? And why is NO ONE NOTICING THIS?_

He looked at me with what I could only assume was a quizzical expression.

"What are you lookin' at?" he said moving his face closer to mine.

"N-nothing" I said, the heat so intense that I started sweating from it.

"Okay, good. Well, I have to get going now. I guess its back to the nether realm for me.

He took out one of his swords and cut the ground causing a red mark to appear in it. I could see fire coming from it and it smelled awful.

"Well, see you around…What's your name again?"

_Do I really want to tell him my name?_

"My is Shinji"

"Alright, see you Shinji"

He jumped down and went through the crack he made before it closed up and disappeared.

"KYON! KYON!" I heard Haruhi call

I decided to not tell them about anything that had happened between me and Scorpion. Haruhi scolded me for not finding anything and I quickly went to bed after I came back home.

The next week, at Haruhi's insistence, we went to the local Wendy's. Once again, she wanted to plan what to do for the day, but I think it was to find someone that was like Kabal.

_I just pray to god that there isn't anyone there like that._

My prayers, however, went unanswered.

Standing at the counter looked like one of the people you see in the old samurai movies. He was dressed in full armor and had a flag on his back. What made him stand out was a) all his armor was a dark green with purple pants b) he a mechanical right arm and c) he was sitting on top of his sword.

As we approached, he took notice.

"Welcome to Wendy's, my name is Yoshimitsu, how may I help you today?"

_Here we go again._

_(Thanks for reading this fic. I felt like doing some comedy after my other two stories. However, I have some good news. I will begin work on Naruto: Chaos Rising, the multi-chapter sequel to Naruto and the Khorne Berzerker. So hang on FF's (Fanficiton fans) cause its gonna get crazy)_


End file.
